Freedom?

I've always wondered how one would go about obtaining true freedom and what freedom really is. Is the United States of America really free? I think when they say we're a free country, they mean we're an independent country. Free to make our own choices without another country making them for us. But is there more to it? I think so. I think there are three "orders" as I like to call them with a possible fourth. Now, I may just be repeating someone else's words or rephrasing them. I don't know. This is just what I came up with and I've never really heard otherwise. Also, this is very arguable, I haven't put a lot of thinking into this, so feel free to argue this. But to obtain true, pure freedom I think you need to separate yourself from these "orders."

The first order is the Government Order. The laws and rules made by the governments to keep order amongst the people. If these laws are followed then the world should be pretty peaceful place, correct? I like to think that. They make these laws defined by society themselves, which brings me to my next one.

The second order is the Society Order. We must conform to societies mores and folkways to not be shunned by everyone and be considered an outcast.

The third order is the Religion Order. People follow their religion and their religion tells them what is good and bad, right and wrong.

What do all of these have in common? It's an outside force telling you what is good and bad, right and wrong. I feel you would truly be a free person if you knew not what was good and bad. That you could do whatever you want without having guilty that you did something bad or good. A jungle man raise by himself in the jungle without no physical interaction with any other living creature except the ones he eats (if he's like that at all). What would this jungle man be like? He does not have a government, society or god telling him what to do or not to do. He should be what a true free man looks like, right? Which brings me to my last order that I don't know if should be counted or not, because I feel it is influenced by the other three orders above.

The last order is the Self Order. That little voice in the back of your head that tells you what is right and wrong. That little Jiminy Cricket on your shoulder.

I tried to explain this the best I could. It sounds a lot better in my head, I just always have a hard time putting it on paper. I've also thought about writing a book about this. Where there is a country where man (or woman) could do whatever they want on this land without any consequences. What would this land look like to you? To me it would be a chaotic land with crime everywhere and mobs trying to control everyone with fear and power. To me freedom doesn't sound all that glories. But that's just me...

An Itch That Requires Scratching

You're probably reading the title and wondering, "Is he serious? Is he really going to write about an itch he has?" No need to worry, because the itch I'm referring to is writing and the scratching is me giving it another shot. Yes, I'm starting to feel the urge to write again. Like all my hobbies, I never really stick with them that long but they always return. It hit me yesterday. I was outside mowing and it was an almost perfect setup from one of my stories. After I realized this, I started to think of ideas to use for my incomplete story. That is usually the main reason I stop writing, because I run out of ideas and questions arise that need to be answered first before I proceed. I have many other ideas for other stories I want to write someday, but I need to stay focused on one at a time. So, I think I'll do that.

I Desire More In My Life

Starting to apply at KU. I've never actually applied to go to school, so I have no idea what I'm doing, and I'm trying to figure this out, on top of what I'm already going through. It's so difficult to stay focused. When I applied to Hutch I didn't really do anything. My parents and everyone pretty much did it for me. But I'll be able to get up there. I just have a feeling it will require me calling them a bunch. I feel really desperate to get up there. Why? Because I feel worthless and I'm really bored. I feel like I should be doing more with my life right now other than sitting in front of my computer screen all day. I need to get out more. I need to start my life. I need to be like a caterpiller and eat more leaves so when my time comes, I'll bloom into a beautiful butterfly someday. :) But I'm not eating any leaves right now. Just hiding underground.

I think I'll go for a walk even thought it's in the triple digit temps right now. I've been taking walks a lot more recently to clear my mind. It kind of helps.

Peace out, yo.

Oh, and a special happy birthday to a certain friend. :) You know who you are.

My Reflection

When you look in a mirror or a puddle or whatever is relfective, do you judge yourself. Sure you do. Maybe it's something simple like your hair looks messy or you have a little dirt on your cheek and you think others will think lowly of that. Either way, as soon as you lay eyes on someone you instantly judge them. Maybe they're tall/short. Maybe they're fat/skinny. It's okay, we all do it. It's just who we are. We are human. Well, the point to this post is how I see my self.
My reflection. | .noitcelfer yM

When I look in a mirror what do I see? I see a tall, scrawny, lost boy. Yes, my size bothers me. I feel weak. I wish I had bigger arms and a bigger chest. Nothing huge, just what society thinks as normal really. I have weights that I occasionally lift, but so far I haven't seen any results and I've been lifting them for quite some time. I also eat protein enriched foods all the time. But no matter, I don't care much for my physical appearance. Why? Because the body I have is a gift. A gift from God. He made this body and gave it to me. My body is special to me. One of a kind. Made especially for me to house him until my time comes and I won't need my body anymore. :) So in the long run, it really doesn't matter what's on the outside. It truly is what's on the inside. That is why I try not to judge people based on their physical appearance, but by who they are and by their actions.

Now for that lost part. This is a little off topic, but I'm going there none the less. Lately, I haven't been able to think very clearly. For about 2 months now or so my life had a pretty big change, and it's tough getting use to change. It started out pretty small, but it keeps getting worse. Like it started out a cold and slowly evolve into cancer. What changed? My spirituality and my love. I have always loved God, but recently I have grown stronger in faith. I have prayed more and talked more to the big man. For about 2 months now I've been wearing a neckless. On the neckless I have a small golden oval with the Divine Mercy picture on it and I have a small cross hanging from it too. I've wore this 24/7 in the 2 months. I shower with it on. I sleep with it on. Never once have I taken it off in the 2 months. I feel like it helps even though I know he lives in my heart and not around my neck. Now, the other change is my love. Love as in someone I strongly care about, someone I'd love to be with. Like Romeo and Juliet. I've never really felt this way. I kind of had at one time, but that was more lust than love. (I use to be a lustful person, but not anymore. I never liked that about me, but the hormones where to great. I finally was able to control my hormones a little better, and I don't look at people with such a lustful view.) I would like to tell this person how I feel, but its a little more complicated than you might think, so I will end there.

Now my question is this. Do I let people see my reflection or do I keep it on the other side? I don't know if people would still appreciate me if they knew who I was. I don't want to lose anyone. I don't want to be alone. I'm happy with my life, but I don't know how I can contain a volcano of emotions that are ready to erupt.

Keep fighting the evils of this world, my little gladiators friends. :)
                                                               
                                                                      Signed,

The Reason

So I think a couple of my friends have this, and it looks pretty cool. I don't care if no one reads this, but I have had thoughts about, well, writing my thoughts down somewhere. lol I guess this is the place to go, huh. Anyway, if you don't like what you see then leave. Someone who can't accept me for who I really am shouldn't even try to get to know me.