My Reflection

When you look in a mirror or a puddle or whatever is relfective, do you judge yourself. Sure you do. Maybe it's something simple like your hair looks messy or you have a little dirt on your cheek and you think others will think lowly of that. Either way, as soon as you lay eyes on someone you instantly judge them. Maybe they're tall/short. Maybe they're fat/skinny. It's okay, we all do it. It's just who we are. We are human. Well, the point to this post is how I see my self.
My reflection. | .noitcelfer yM

When I look in a mirror what do I see? I see a tall, scrawny, lost boy. Yes, my size bothers me. I feel weak. I wish I had bigger arms and a bigger chest. Nothing huge, just what society thinks as normal really. I have weights that I occasionally lift, but so far I haven't seen any results and I've been lifting them for quite some time. I also eat protein enriched foods all the time. But no matter, I don't care much for my physical appearance. Why? Because the body I have is a gift. A gift from God. He made this body and gave it to me. My body is special to me. One of a kind. Made especially for me to house him until my time comes and I won't need my body anymore. :) So in the long run, it really doesn't matter what's on the outside. It truly is what's on the inside. That is why I try not to judge people based on their physical appearance, but by who they are and by their actions.

Now for that lost part. This is a little off topic, but I'm going there none the less. Lately, I haven't been able to think very clearly. For about 2 months now or so my life had a pretty big change, and it's tough getting use to change. It started out pretty small, but it keeps getting worse. Like it started out a cold and slowly evolve into cancer. What changed? My spirituality and my love. I have always loved God, but recently I have grown stronger in faith. I have prayed more and talked more to the big man. For about 2 months now I've been wearing a neckless. On the neckless I have a small golden oval with the Divine Mercy picture on it and I have a small cross hanging from it too. I've wore this 24/7 in the 2 months. I shower with it on. I sleep with it on. Never once have I taken it off in the 2 months. I feel like it helps even though I know he lives in my heart and not around my neck. Now, the other change is my love. Love as in someone I strongly care about, someone I'd love to be with. Like Romeo and Juliet. I've never really felt this way. I kind of had at one time, but that was more lust than love. (I use to be a lustful person, but not anymore. I never liked that about me, but the hormones where to great. I finally was able to control my hormones a little better, and I don't look at people with such a lustful view.) I would like to tell this person how I feel, but its a little more complicated than you might think, so I will end there.

Now my question is this. Do I let people see my reflection or do I keep it on the other side? I don't know if people would still appreciate me if they knew who I was. I don't want to lose anyone. I don't want to be alone. I'm happy with my life, but I don't know how I can contain a volcano of emotions that are ready to erupt.

Keep fighting the evils of this world, my little gladiators friends. :)
                                                               
                                                                      Signed,